Thursday, April 25, 2013

Breaking the habits of the past...

This is my first post that is not a part of the God-sized dreams series. And mostly, it is just a journaling exercise because I feel icky inside today. I am again feeling whiny and let down, and on top of that, I feel like I could bite someone today. For no apparent reason, I keep having all these really unpleasant thoughts about everything. Just ugly. I push them down and before long, another comes bubbling up from somewhere. And before long, the struggle to keep them out of my mouth is going to fail and I am going to unleash something nasty into the world.

Why I am I looking so nasty on the inside? Stress, worry, fear, fatigue, need, want....all these things are weighing me down today. I have dealt with this before. I used to live here quite frequently, in fact. But since I have come to have a better relationship with my heavenly father, this type of mood has barely raised it's ugly head. I knew it would come sooner or later, and now that it is here, I am trying to fix it on my own.

Hmmm, I haven't learned much, have I?

So, after suffering for half the day for no good reason, I have remembered where to go with this ugliness inside.

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on fear, because the Word says: "God has not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) 

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on worries and frustration, because the Word says: I am "Casting all my cares upon Him who cares for me." (1 Peter 5:7) 

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on frustration, because the Word says: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." (Isaiah 26:3) 

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on troubles, because the Word says: Jesus said, "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) 

NEVER AGAIN will I confess or focus on discontent, because the Word says: "I have learned in whatever state (circumstances) I am, to be content." (Philippians 4:11) 

These came from a website called Encouraging Bible Quotes and I have decided that I am going to work on making some of my own, that better fit some of my specific worries or troubles for times when I will need them. But I really like the discontent's not that I am greedy, but that I want so much! Lol....I really need to work on just being content in whatever state I am in. It would be nice to have a place of  my own to keep my horses, but as long as we have a place for them, I need to be content. It would be nice to have all the tack and tools I need for training my 2 yr old. But as long as I can work with him, I need to be content.  And remember to praise God for those things, instead of constantly focusing on what I don't have or what I would like to have. This is where Satan gets me. He likes to point out all that I need to be successful and tell me that because I don't have this or that,  I will not be doing it right, and therefore I will mess it up. That is just plain lies.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for my horse, for the physical ability to work with him, the physical ability to take care of him, and for the place to keep him. I will not stop praying for and asking you to fill me with the knowledge of your will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And I pray this in order that I may live a life worthy of you Lord, and may please you in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to your glorious might so that I may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to You, who has qualified me to share in the inheritance.... in the kingdom of light. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen. (adapted from Colossians 1:9-12)

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