What My Mother Gave Me

This week, in our God-sized dream post, Holley Gerth, author of You're Made for a God Sized Dream, exhorted us to write an encouraging letter to another dreamer in our life for our link-up this week. This is a perfect opportunity for me to take some time to thank a very special dreamer in my life for all that she has given me. So, there is a book titled What My Mother Gave Me. I haven't read it, but if you follow the link, it looks like a good book about women recognizing their mothers for all the gifts they gave to them over the years, whether physical, instructional or going above and beyond. I liked that idea, so I stole the title and the idea, and am going to do my own little version, as I think it would be a good way to encourage my mother, by showing her that she has made a difference in a least one person's life. It seems very appropriate as well, since Mother's Day is on the way.

Dear Mom,
     First of all, and most importantly, I want to thank you for raising me in a christian home. I know it has taken me almost 30 years to appreciate this, but I finally do. And God has fulfilled his promise, and since you obeyed and raised me in the way that I should go, I have not departed from it. Not very far, anyway. :)
     And that leads into the next thing I am thankful for. Thank you for never giving up on me, for not failing to mention God in almost every conversation, for refusing to compromise in your love and loyalty for Him when you knew that I didn't want to hear about God and what I should do according to his word. And yet, you also never forced it down my throat. So, thank you for keeping the balance just right, and allowing me to come to him on my own accord, in his timing. If I can accomplish this with my daughter half so well, I will be very grateful.
    Thank you for teaching me how to dream big dreams. You were dreaming God-Sized dreams since I can remember. Some of them came true, a lot of them did not. But you have never wavered in your faith that God listens and answers prayers. You have taught me that sometimes God says yes to our prayers and sometimes He can say no, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us or want the best for us. In fact, whatever he does say is always for our benefit.
    Thank you for teaching me how to work hard. If there was only one word to describe you, I would use the word Driven. And if there was only one phrase, it would be "Work hard and don't bother doing it if you aren't going to do it right."  It was a spirit of excellence, that you raised me in. It has sometimes been a heavy burden, especially when those around us aren't working hard or doing it right, but I am grateful for it, all the same. I look around me now and marvel at the number of people who do not have a work ethic or care about the quality of work they do, no matter what job they have.
     Thank you for setting a good example in morality and for being honest and open enough to share the stories of the times you failed and the consequences. These lessons were of utmost importance to me. Not only did I learn that we should do what is right, but that we are human and sometimes fall short. And when we fall short, we ask for forgiveness and we live to fight another day.
     Thank you for apologizing when you wronged me. Instead of treating me like a possession that you didn't have to apologize to, like so many do with their children. You recognized that I was a person, who had feelings. Telling me you were sorry when you said something or did something wrong made me trust you, that  you really did care for and love me. And it let me know that you knew you were not perfect as well. Which, in turn, seemed to make it easier to relate with you while going through the struggles of youth. If I had thought that you didn't go through the same trials and temptations in life, it would have been hard to listen to a word you said. But you were always talking, always teaching, and always being real.
     Thank you for correcting me when I was wrong. I can't believe the number of children that are raised these days without firm correction and direction in their lives. Thank you for teaching me the difference between wrong and right, and giving me consequences when I did wrong. Your constant watching has made me the upstanding person I am today.
     Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know I wasn't everything someone ever wanted in a little girl. I hated dresses, bows in my hair, and pretty shoes. I was not sweet and compliant, but difficult, loud and bossy. I fought you tooth and nail on just about every issue. But you loved me anyway.
     You are not a saint, you will never be perfect. But you are my mother and you have done the very best you could do when it came to raising your children. You did a world of good and when you failed, you taught me to understand and forgive. You have made a huge difference in this girl's life, I know you could help so many more.
     One more time,Thank you. For your time, your love, your dreams, your prayers, your hope, your discipline, your teaching, your tears.  I love you and I pray he answers your prayers to help others, because you did such a good job with me.
            Love,
           Your daughter,
                      Nicole

Worth it all

It's time for a post!! Woot Woot! :) I am getting started on this one early, so I am not posting so late in the week. Afterall, it was supposed to be a Tuesday thing, lol.

This week, Holley Gerth (click the link, it will take you to her blog ;) asked us to tackle the “why” behind our God-sized dreams. Why is the dream worth pursuing, fighting for and seeing through no matter what happens?

Here is the funny part.

I don't have a God-sized dream. Or at least, I thought I didn't.

See, I don't have a physical destination that I, personally, am aiming for. Sure, I want more of God and His love in my life.  But my mom's dream, it's big enough for the both of us.  And I am a team member of that dream's destination. When we get there, I will be a part of what she is doing. And that is exactly where I want to be. I don't want to tell her story on here, since it's her dream, but since this post is asking ME why the dream is worth pursuing, I will have to answer with why her dream has become mine to pursue also.

The first, big, obvious reason? Her dream, the dream God gave her, is to create a place for abused girls and women. Girls that have been wronged by society in the worst way imaginable, and whom may think that God has all but forgotten them. Girls that have been abused: sexually, physically, mentally, and give them a hand up in life. To create a place where they can come and live and receive God's truth while taking their place in life, slowly, in stages, learning that they are worthy of love, happiness and a future. I want to be a part of that! I want to serve God helping these women. How awesome to see!

The second reason is so that I may use the talents He gave me. I am really good at some things. Being in the spotlight isn't one of them. I have never liked that hot light, the brilliant glare that you can't see out of. It makes me panicky inside. I feel like one of those little wild bunnies when it is directed at me. I just wanna run, hard and fast, far, far, away. But I am good at working behind the scenes to help those about to go on stage; to know their lines, their verses, or make sure that their hair isn't sticking up in a million places. If you forgot one of your props, I can rig something up in a jiffy to replace it. If your heel broke on your shoe, I will figure something out to make it work, so don't panic! Just keep practicing your lines! And to have a place like the one my mother dreams of, you have to have a behind-the-scenes production crew. You can't run a place like this all by yourself and still do what God has asked of you with these women. So, I feel that I am to be one (of many) support beams for my mother's dream. This is why He made me the way He did. Someone to help tend her garden, so she can do what God created her for, tending His garden. Aren't we all just support beams for God's dreams? :) (it rhymes! I love it!)

The final reason is for myself. God created each of us with our own special strengths and weaknesses. I have a lot of knowledge based strengths; comprehension, problem solving, and strategizing are a few. My mom, on the other hand, is a spiritual person, who works off of intuition and spiritual knowledge. I am weak in the area of faith and hope, but here, she is strong. We balance the scales by being so opposite. It can make things hard sometimes, but I believe that once we get with God and learn to work through our differences, not just on a daily basis, but to actually understand how the other one ticks and how to work through the types of disagreements we have, God will make the dream possible. He will have to. We can't do something of this scale on our own. Neither of us have anything. All we have to give is ourselves. Our talents, our hearts, our love, our faith, that God will do what he has spoken to us. And that is all He wants. So, that is the destination, and I am on the road, learning how to give. Everything. Even if it is not a strenght, but a weakness. If he wants my faith,and I am weak in this area, then it is up to me to take it to Him. He made us with strenghts AND weaknesses. The strengths are gifts, but the weaknesses? I like to think of them as tokens, like at an arcade. If you want to get a bigger prize, learn to see these weaknesses, accept that you have them, then take them to God, ask Him to help you exchange them for more, more of Him and His dreams. This is transformation of the self. This is what God wants from you, what He hopes, and dreams, for you.

This post has kind of transformed on it's own. I could go back and fix it, make it more streamlined and more to the point, but....that is what I like about writing. Ideas that are unformed in the back of your mind, things that God wants to say, they come pouring out when you just write. So, I am going to leave it the way it is and finish with this.

My transformation, my mother's transformation, the women's lives we will touch, the lives they will touch, and so on, makes this dream of ours worth it. Every growing pain, every doubtful tear, everything we have gone through and have yet to go through, will be WORTH IT ALL!