What My Mother Gave Me

This week, in our God-sized dream post, Holley Gerth, author of You're Made for a God Sized Dream, exhorted us to write an encouraging letter to another dreamer in our life for our link-up this week. This is a perfect opportunity for me to take some time to thank a very special dreamer in my life for all that she has given me. So, there is a book titled What My Mother Gave Me. I haven't read it, but if you follow the link, it looks like a good book about women recognizing their mothers for all the gifts they gave to them over the years, whether physical, instructional or going above and beyond. I liked that idea, so I stole the title and the idea, and am going to do my own little version, as I think it would be a good way to encourage my mother, by showing her that she has made a difference in a least one person's life. It seems very appropriate as well, since Mother's Day is on the way.

Dear Mom,
     First of all, and most importantly, I want to thank you for raising me in a christian home. I know it has taken me almost 30 years to appreciate this, but I finally do. And God has fulfilled his promise, and since you obeyed and raised me in the way that I should go, I have not departed from it. Not very far, anyway. :)
     And that leads into the next thing I am thankful for. Thank you for never giving up on me, for not failing to mention God in almost every conversation, for refusing to compromise in your love and loyalty for Him when you knew that I didn't want to hear about God and what I should do according to his word. And yet, you also never forced it down my throat. So, thank you for keeping the balance just right, and allowing me to come to him on my own accord, in his timing. If I can accomplish this with my daughter half so well, I will be very grateful.
    Thank you for teaching me how to dream big dreams. You were dreaming God-Sized dreams since I can remember. Some of them came true, a lot of them did not. But you have never wavered in your faith that God listens and answers prayers. You have taught me that sometimes God says yes to our prayers and sometimes He can say no, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us or want the best for us. In fact, whatever he does say is always for our benefit.
    Thank you for teaching me how to work hard. If there was only one word to describe you, I would use the word Driven. And if there was only one phrase, it would be "Work hard and don't bother doing it if you aren't going to do it right."  It was a spirit of excellence, that you raised me in. It has sometimes been a heavy burden, especially when those around us aren't working hard or doing it right, but I am grateful for it, all the same. I look around me now and marvel at the number of people who do not have a work ethic or care about the quality of work they do, no matter what job they have.
     Thank you for setting a good example in morality and for being honest and open enough to share the stories of the times you failed and the consequences. These lessons were of utmost importance to me. Not only did I learn that we should do what is right, but that we are human and sometimes fall short. And when we fall short, we ask for forgiveness and we live to fight another day.
     Thank you for apologizing when you wronged me. Instead of treating me like a possession that you didn't have to apologize to, like so many do with their children. You recognized that I was a person, who had feelings. Telling me you were sorry when you said something or did something wrong made me trust you, that  you really did care for and love me. And it let me know that you knew you were not perfect as well. Which, in turn, seemed to make it easier to relate with you while going through the struggles of youth. If I had thought that you didn't go through the same trials and temptations in life, it would have been hard to listen to a word you said. But you were always talking, always teaching, and always being real.
     Thank you for correcting me when I was wrong. I can't believe the number of children that are raised these days without firm correction and direction in their lives. Thank you for teaching me the difference between wrong and right, and giving me consequences when I did wrong. Your constant watching has made me the upstanding person I am today.
     Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know I wasn't everything someone ever wanted in a little girl. I hated dresses, bows in my hair, and pretty shoes. I was not sweet and compliant, but difficult, loud and bossy. I fought you tooth and nail on just about every issue. But you loved me anyway.
     You are not a saint, you will never be perfect. But you are my mother and you have done the very best you could do when it came to raising your children. You did a world of good and when you failed, you taught me to understand and forgive. You have made a huge difference in this girl's life, I know you could help so many more.
     One more time,Thank you. For your time, your love, your dreams, your prayers, your hope, your discipline, your teaching, your tears.  I love you and I pray he answers your prayers to help others, because you did such a good job with me.
            Love,
           Your daughter,
                      Nicole

Joy and God-Sized dreams

I am coming a little late to this party...but then, I am a little late to everything. Yep, that's me, late since the day I was born. Literally. 20 days late. I would just like to take a moment and apologize to my mom for that...sorry Mom!!!

Anyway...Holley Gerth at Heart to Heart with Holley has written a book called  You're Made for God-Sized Dreams and on her blog, she writes with themes from the book and invites other bloggers to share about the topic she has written about. This week's post was about joy and how it relates to your God-sized dreams. She points out that though joy can make us feel vulnerable, we can choose to be transformed by renewing our minds (Rom 12:2). She asked the question “What is God telling me through what brings me joy?” So, what renews my mind and brings me joy? Not just makes me happy, but brings me JOY? And is God trying to tell me something through those experiences?

I am joyful when:

• I learn something new. I love to discover, especially when God has lead me to the knowledge.
• I am solving problems. Whether I am fixing my own or someone else's dilemma, it always renews me.
• I am being useful. Serving others gives me the most peaceful feeling and helps to make my own problems a little less.
• I am painting, drawing, and taking pictures. Creating beauty is an experience that is all at once exciting and yet calming. It gives a fullness to my heart that I rarely feel at any other time.
• I am doing anything with the horses. This is a fulfillment of a dream that has been a long time coming and I feel blessed to be allowed to care for these magnificent, wonderful creatures. Connecting with them somehow makes it easier to remember that God is a part of his creations.

What is God telling me through these things? I believe that he is telling me that I bring Him joy when I am doing the things that He made me for. He created me, every cell in my body, every neuron in my brain, and I think He is delighted when He sees His creations doing what He made them to do. It seems to me that, for Him, it is like when we give our children a present, something we have put a lot of thought in, or went through Hell to find just because we knew they would love it, and they do! They play with it every day, and enjoy it to the fullest. We are thrilled that the child loves and appreciates the gift. I think that God is thrilled when we use our talents, our gifts, and not only use them, but ENJOY them! He loves the joy in our hearts that we get from his gifts to us. It is a form of worship when you are joyful about what you have received from your heavenly father. This will help me to remember that when I am not feeling so joyful, I need to go and pick up that beloved gift and play with it for awhile, to remind myself that my God loves me, that He wants me to be happy, peaceful, calm, and most of all, loved. That is the greatest joy of all, to remember that God loves me. Really, truly, deeply, loves me. And that I please him when I enjoy myself :) What a great Dad!
Romans 12:2

New International Version (NIV)

² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Wild horses are pretty, but a partner is beautiful

Ok, so I am doing this, I am starting a blog.

But how....and why? What do I say? How can I be so full of words, thoughts, ideas, and still have NO IDEA what to say?  Should I make this an introductory post? Should I tell you my life story, my hopes and dreams, all about my family, my hobbies? Should I tell you all about how I recently decided that Yes, God does have a place in my life, and (guess what, I actually want him there!)? And what if people think I am boring or that what I have to say is stupid? I am scared of that...so why do I even want to do this? It would be so much easier to keep my head down, shut my mouth and go on about my business. But......
God tells us in his word that we are to be a light unto the world, not hide our lights beneath baskets or jars, but to put them on stands. [Matthew 5:14-16, Luke 8:16] And who am I to argue with Him? So, there you have it, the "why" of this little project of mine. The how...well, we will see about that, as I have no idea how to do this yet and it will probably not look pretty for a little while, until I get it all figured out. Hopefully the things I have to say will be beautiful enough to keep people reading.

Now, on to the title of my entry today.... let me explain.
     I am an amateur artist and I dabble in a couple of different mediums; watercolor, acrylic, pencils, photography. Some day I might actually figure out how to post pictures of some of my stuff...some day. But anyway, I have always been a copier. Meaning that when I do something artistic, I don't come up with the image or whatever it is from my own head, I get it from someone else's work. I am not able to create an original piece of art for the life of me. But I have been learning that there are a lot of talented people out there just like me. And it doesn't stop them from coming up with works of art. They have always understood that just because someone else is doing something, doesn't mean that they can't do it too. That they don't have to be totally original. They understand that what inspires them can be used to help them make something inspiring too. I have always had a hard time with this concept. I have always been upset with God because I thought that he only gave me half of a talent. Ability without creativity. What was He thinking? What good was I as an artist who could draw and paint, but couldn't think up a single "original" piece of art work? I certainly wasn't about to call myself an artist. But since my recent wake up call (which included the realization that some of God's place in my life was to be the "missing piece," aka creativity) I have been trying to remember to ask him for help with this. And yesterday, on the drive home from work, while worrying about money, I started thinking how awesome it would be if I could sell some paintings, some original works of art that were not reproductions of someone else's creativity. So then, I started thinking of painting (so much better than worrying about money!;) and I asked him. Just like that, I asked Him...what should I paint? And I immediately received an image. Full image, full color, full everything. No pieces to put together, nothing to puzzle out. It was awesome. And it made me cry. And then He said to me, whispered in my heart...."Wild horses are pretty, but a partner is beautiful." And I cried some more. He had showed me a gorgeous idea for a painting of a wild horse (horses are what I paint best, thankfully he isn't going to put me to the test just yet!) And His words to me were really....personal. It describes me best. I have always been a wild horse. I have never wanted help. I have always wanted to be independent. Especially from God. My mom has always encouraged me to ask God for help, to lean on him, to trust him to use my talents for his glory. And I always tossed my head and said, No way, I will do it my way, or not at all. I didn't want him to get any credit for anything that I had done. So guess what? In a lot of areas in my life, I have done nothing, or nothing that is really credit worthy. And yesterday, he told me, "Welcome home, my little wild horse." He was happy that I had decided to become his partner, to work with Him, to do His will, to give him all my "pretty" and let him make it beautiful.