Investing in Other's dreams

This week's prompt for our God-sized dream post was perfect timing, once again. Holley Gerth prompted us to spread encouragement to other dreamers by investing in them. To be honest, I wasn't going to do this week's prompt as I don't have contact with a lot of other dreamers and I have already posted an encouraging letter to my mother last week.

But then, I began having this tugging on my heart. All last week, this woman that we go to church with and her situation kept being brought to my mind. Her and her family have recently been looking for a horse for the whole family to enjoy. They have no experience with horses and are kind of lost. They have started talking horses with us and my mom found them a prospect horse and they are looking into buying it. They showed us where they would be boarding the horse and told us how much they were going to be paying a month to keep it there. We were a little shocked, as the monthly payment was extremely high for this area and the conditions at the farm were not ideal for any horse. But I really didn't think about it afterwards, they live in a different town than we keep our horses, and I don't know them that well, besides. Who knew if they would be responsible and make sure the gate was shut when they were done? What if my horse got out and was hit on the road, or injured in some other serious way? I didn't really want to deal with another horse that wasn't mine either. So I forgot about it.  Until God kept bringing her and the horse to my mind. Over and over, her name and the horse kept popping into my mind. Finally, on Saturday night, I said something to mom. Turns out we had both been thinking about offering her the option of keeping their new horse with ours. We both had the same worries about it as well. But we decided that we should say something on Sunday. So, Sunday morning, after church was over, we went over and very humbly offered to share what we have, which isn't much, but cheaper and better conditions than where they were going to put their new horse.

And do you know what? It turns out that this woman and her family are going to have to move from the rental house they were living in and they now wouldn't be able to afford the steep boarding fees at the other place and consequently would have to not get the horse, since there would be nowhere to keep it. But God wanted them to have that dream horse, for whatever reason, and He decided that we would be His instrument in making sure that they got what He intended for them. I could tell that the woman was ready to cry when Mom told her that she was welcome to put her horse out with ours, and that the place where we rent is so much lower. The relief was plainly written on her face. And in that moment, I was glad to have obeyed God.

I don't know what His purpose is in this. Why did it matter to Him if that woman and her family got the horse? A horse isn't a necessity. Why did He want her to have such a frivolous thing in her life? I know He did, otherwise, He would not have prompted my mother and I to offer our pasture. We had our misgivings, but He overruled us and pressed our hearts to share with her. One thing it does tell me, though, is that God is not against me having my horses either, and does not want me to get rid of them, even though it has been trial after trial to keep them. It is not He that is against us, but someone else, who does not want good for us. Someone who wants to kill (our hearts), steal (our joy), and ultimately, destroy us. Mom thinks the woman and her family might become a part of our dream, a part of the team. I don't know, time will tell. But I do know that it was God, prompting us to reach out to them. And we obeyed. And that is all that counts. :)

What My Mother Gave Me

This week, in our God-sized dream post, Holley Gerth, author of You're Made for a God Sized Dream, exhorted us to write an encouraging letter to another dreamer in our life for our link-up this week. This is a perfect opportunity for me to take some time to thank a very special dreamer in my life for all that she has given me. So, there is a book titled What My Mother Gave Me. I haven't read it, but if you follow the link, it looks like a good book about women recognizing their mothers for all the gifts they gave to them over the years, whether physical, instructional or going above and beyond. I liked that idea, so I stole the title and the idea, and am going to do my own little version, as I think it would be a good way to encourage my mother, by showing her that she has made a difference in a least one person's life. It seems very appropriate as well, since Mother's Day is on the way.

Dear Mom,
     First of all, and most importantly, I want to thank you for raising me in a christian home. I know it has taken me almost 30 years to appreciate this, but I finally do. And God has fulfilled his promise, and since you obeyed and raised me in the way that I should go, I have not departed from it. Not very far, anyway. :)
     And that leads into the next thing I am thankful for. Thank you for never giving up on me, for not failing to mention God in almost every conversation, for refusing to compromise in your love and loyalty for Him when you knew that I didn't want to hear about God and what I should do according to his word. And yet, you also never forced it down my throat. So, thank you for keeping the balance just right, and allowing me to come to him on my own accord, in his timing. If I can accomplish this with my daughter half so well, I will be very grateful.
    Thank you for teaching me how to dream big dreams. You were dreaming God-Sized dreams since I can remember. Some of them came true, a lot of them did not. But you have never wavered in your faith that God listens and answers prayers. You have taught me that sometimes God says yes to our prayers and sometimes He can say no, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love us or want the best for us. In fact, whatever he does say is always for our benefit.
    Thank you for teaching me how to work hard. If there was only one word to describe you, I would use the word Driven. And if there was only one phrase, it would be "Work hard and don't bother doing it if you aren't going to do it right."  It was a spirit of excellence, that you raised me in. It has sometimes been a heavy burden, especially when those around us aren't working hard or doing it right, but I am grateful for it, all the same. I look around me now and marvel at the number of people who do not have a work ethic or care about the quality of work they do, no matter what job they have.
     Thank you for setting a good example in morality and for being honest and open enough to share the stories of the times you failed and the consequences. These lessons were of utmost importance to me. Not only did I learn that we should do what is right, but that we are human and sometimes fall short. And when we fall short, we ask for forgiveness and we live to fight another day.
     Thank you for apologizing when you wronged me. Instead of treating me like a possession that you didn't have to apologize to, like so many do with their children. You recognized that I was a person, who had feelings. Telling me you were sorry when you said something or did something wrong made me trust you, that  you really did care for and love me. And it let me know that you knew you were not perfect as well. Which, in turn, seemed to make it easier to relate with you while going through the struggles of youth. If I had thought that you didn't go through the same trials and temptations in life, it would have been hard to listen to a word you said. But you were always talking, always teaching, and always being real.
     Thank you for correcting me when I was wrong. I can't believe the number of children that are raised these days without firm correction and direction in their lives. Thank you for teaching me the difference between wrong and right, and giving me consequences when I did wrong. Your constant watching has made me the upstanding person I am today.
     Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know I wasn't everything someone ever wanted in a little girl. I hated dresses, bows in my hair, and pretty shoes. I was not sweet and compliant, but difficult, loud and bossy. I fought you tooth and nail on just about every issue. But you loved me anyway.
     You are not a saint, you will never be perfect. But you are my mother and you have done the very best you could do when it came to raising your children. You did a world of good and when you failed, you taught me to understand and forgive. You have made a huge difference in this girl's life, I know you could help so many more.
     One more time,Thank you. For your time, your love, your dreams, your prayers, your hope, your discipline, your teaching, your tears.  I love you and I pray he answers your prayers to help others, because you did such a good job with me.
            Love,
           Your daughter,
                      Nicole

Dear Chihuahua of Fear....

Great title right? Well, guess what? It is time for another God-sized dreams post. This week, Holley Gerth (Click on the link, it will take you to her blog ;) asked us to write a letter to our fears, to have a  little talk with them, and that is how we were supposed to start it.

Dear Chihuahua of Fear,
   I have some things I'd like to say to you....

I started this post for last week's God Sized Dreams, for April 9th, last Tuesday. But then, fear struck. Sneaky pest, it didn't attack in the obvious way. And it was completely unrelated to doing a blog post. Fear, in the form of worry, stole slowly in while trying to prepare a place for my mom's horses and my horse to live this summer. To make a long story short, it has always been a bit of a struggle to find places for our horses to go. It seems that for whatever reason, we are always having to find a new place to go with them every few years. Boarding is not an option, there are none remotely close enough, and people never want to rent their pasture to horses. Almost all pasture ground has cows on it or is in CRP, which stands for Conservation Reserve Program, in which the governement pays farmers to put pasture ground into CRP to allow it to grow native weeds and grasses for wildlife. And guess what, even though the state of Illinois is broke, they can still afford to pay more than I can to rent this ground. So anyway, here we are again, trying to find somewhere to put our horses that is reasonably priced, convienent distance from our town, and easy to access to get them food and water on a daily basis, not to mention, just to be able to see them. And it has been super hard this year. I am suprised that I don't have permanent tear streaks down my cheeks from the disappointment we have seen. So last week, when I was supposed to be talking back to fear, it took over a huge part of my life. And it has not left yet, even though I spent all weekend building fence on our newest place. I just feel like or fear, that we are going to do all that work and then something is going to happen and they are going to tell us to leave. I am in fear of losing my horses, which I have worked SO HARD to hang on to. So, I have all this fear in my life right now. But it has nothing to do with being afraid of doing something God has asked of me.

Or does it....? I am afraid. I am afraid of losing my horse, who I have dreamed of for so long. I have had horses in the past. The first, she was crazy. And after a million battles that broke my heart, I finally sold her. Then, the black gelding that hated people and broke my collar bone. Then, briefly another mare that I just wasn't ready to handle yet, not being healed from my fall, either physically or emotionally. Now, after much trial and tribulation, I have my boy, who is stable, loving and likes people. But.....I have struggled so hard to have him, and now it seems that the last leg I have to stand on is going to be ripped out from underneath me. I have told God that I am ready to let him go, if that is what God wants. I understand that God has final say of what is in my life.  But I am afraid of the answer. What if God does want me to sell him? That scares me. I don't want to lose him. Is God asking me to deny myself, to die to myself, so that I may follow Him? If so, it will break my heart. I know that you don't come upon a horse like mine everyday, I know because I have tried.

But then, I read Holley's post. In it, she quotes from her book that
“Fear hangs out right next to whatever it is you’re most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds. Keep going–fear is a chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman.” — You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Five

Mom's God-sized dream about a place for helping abused girls and women. And in this dream, horses have always been included, because, as it is well documented, horses have a way of showing us ourselves and helping us to see what we need to do to help bring about healing in our lifes. If Holley is correct, then maybe we are on the edge of our big dream, and Satan is trying to steal our horses from us, because he knows we need them to do our work. He knows how hard it is to come by the horses that we have, the sweetness, the willingness, the love they have for people. These qualities are hard to find, trust me!

I am unsure of what I am supposed to do. Is this God? Does He want us to have our horses? Does Satan want to steal something that God intends for us to use in His big plans for our lives. I have some praying to do....

Wild horses are pretty, but a partner is beautiful

Ok, so I am doing this, I am starting a blog.

But how....and why? What do I say? How can I be so full of words, thoughts, ideas, and still have NO IDEA what to say?  Should I make this an introductory post? Should I tell you my life story, my hopes and dreams, all about my family, my hobbies? Should I tell you all about how I recently decided that Yes, God does have a place in my life, and (guess what, I actually want him there!)? And what if people think I am boring or that what I have to say is stupid? I am scared of that...so why do I even want to do this? It would be so much easier to keep my head down, shut my mouth and go on about my business. But......
God tells us in his word that we are to be a light unto the world, not hide our lights beneath baskets or jars, but to put them on stands. [Matthew 5:14-16, Luke 8:16] And who am I to argue with Him? So, there you have it, the "why" of this little project of mine. The how...well, we will see about that, as I have no idea how to do this yet and it will probably not look pretty for a little while, until I get it all figured out. Hopefully the things I have to say will be beautiful enough to keep people reading.

Now, on to the title of my entry today.... let me explain.
     I am an amateur artist and I dabble in a couple of different mediums; watercolor, acrylic, pencils, photography. Some day I might actually figure out how to post pictures of some of my stuff...some day. But anyway, I have always been a copier. Meaning that when I do something artistic, I don't come up with the image or whatever it is from my own head, I get it from someone else's work. I am not able to create an original piece of art for the life of me. But I have been learning that there are a lot of talented people out there just like me. And it doesn't stop them from coming up with works of art. They have always understood that just because someone else is doing something, doesn't mean that they can't do it too. That they don't have to be totally original. They understand that what inspires them can be used to help them make something inspiring too. I have always had a hard time with this concept. I have always been upset with God because I thought that he only gave me half of a talent. Ability without creativity. What was He thinking? What good was I as an artist who could draw and paint, but couldn't think up a single "original" piece of art work? I certainly wasn't about to call myself an artist. But since my recent wake up call (which included the realization that some of God's place in my life was to be the "missing piece," aka creativity) I have been trying to remember to ask him for help with this. And yesterday, on the drive home from work, while worrying about money, I started thinking how awesome it would be if I could sell some paintings, some original works of art that were not reproductions of someone else's creativity. So then, I started thinking of painting (so much better than worrying about money!;) and I asked him. Just like that, I asked Him...what should I paint? And I immediately received an image. Full image, full color, full everything. No pieces to put together, nothing to puzzle out. It was awesome. And it made me cry. And then He said to me, whispered in my heart...."Wild horses are pretty, but a partner is beautiful." And I cried some more. He had showed me a gorgeous idea for a painting of a wild horse (horses are what I paint best, thankfully he isn't going to put me to the test just yet!) And His words to me were really....personal. It describes me best. I have always been a wild horse. I have never wanted help. I have always wanted to be independent. Especially from God. My mom has always encouraged me to ask God for help, to lean on him, to trust him to use my talents for his glory. And I always tossed my head and said, No way, I will do it my way, or not at all. I didn't want him to get any credit for anything that I had done. So guess what? In a lot of areas in my life, I have done nothing, or nothing that is really credit worthy. And yesterday, he told me, "Welcome home, my little wild horse." He was happy that I had decided to become his partner, to work with Him, to do His will, to give him all my "pretty" and let him make it beautiful.