Time for another God-sized dreams post! This week in Holley's post, we were asked "What's a typical day in your life like right now? How can you see God's hand in the middle of the "small and ordinary" too?"
This is a hard one for me. I am struggling in "day to day," "ordinary" life. Belle, my favorite Disney princess, sang in one of her songs that she wanted "adventure in the great wide somewhere," and boy, did she have it! She escaped from the small, the ordinary, everyday life and got to live in a castle with a beast (who became a prince!) and talking furniture. Way cooler than being a working stiff, a wife and a mom. Wake up, go to work, do the same old boring job, go home, struggle to get something in our stomachs, look at the messy house, decide I don't want to do any of the chores that need done, and collapse onto the couch. Then, go to bed so I can get back up tomorrow and do it all over again. YUCK! I especially feel this way right now because it is cold and I can't play with my horse without mud and frostbite.
So often these days, I feel lost. Like I have gotten off track from all the things I wanted, dreamed about, when I was in college. I feel so far removed from that ambitious person, who dreamed of doing so much more. I wanted to be a veterinarian, but I was finished with "higher education" after I got my bachelor's in Biology because I really couldn't stand the idea of anymore school. So then, I wanted to be an animal behaviorist and work at a zoo as keeper and trainer. But we don't live in an area where this is possible (I did try to get some internships right when I got out of school, but I was not accepted to any of the programs, for whatever reason.) And though some days my house feels like a zoo, it's just not the same. Keeping my four yr old clean, healthy and well behaved is quite the task, but I don't derive the same satisfaction level from it that some moms do. I do it because I love her. But I do not especially love the job. Some days, I get really depressed that I didn't go further than small time desk jockey, wife, and mom. And all of the trite sayings about how being a mother is the greatest job in the world are not going to change that or make me feel any better when I get to feeling down about where I am in life.
BUT, since I have been letting God into my boring little everyday life...well, things have gotten a little easier. The best part is, I don't sit around blaming Him for every little thing that doesn't go my way anymore. I used to think, "why did He let that happen? why didn't He stop me from making that bad decision? why, if He loves me sooo much, is He letting me sit in this situation? WHY DOESN'T HE DO SOMETHING?" My eyes have been opened to the fact that if my situation is not to my liking, it is because I have been without him and I have not wanted his help. I have come to the realization that to see God's hand in my dreams, I need to include Him in them. And if I want to see His hand in my daily routine, I need to include Him in it. I am learning. And I have seen His presence since then, mostly when He stops me, and reminds me that my daughter is beautiful and smart. Or that my husband helped without me asking him to, and that I am blessed, if I choose to see it. That is when I see God in the middle of my ordinary every day life, reminding me to be thankful. To be grateful. And to not get so focused on where I am going, but to enjoy the journey on the way there.
P.S. I know I have so much to be grateful for, so much that others would give their right arm for. The truth is, I really have nothing to complain about when compared to many others. I have a beautiful 4 yr old daughter who is smart and healthy, a great husband who is my best friend, another great friend in my mother, and a wonderful family of in-laws, an okay job and a full stomach when I go to bed at night. To whine and complain that about my situation seems unfair of me. I promise, I am getting better!